Dear 2010.....

Dear 2o1o,

Well....just a few more days and we can put 2010 into the history books. I can't really say that I will miss you 2010. I am kind of glad that you are over, cause it has been one hell of a ride. And in appropriate fashion, the year has come full circle, and one of my most stressful and frustrating situations ended up working out just the way I wanted and had hoped it would end up originally.

But I can definitely say that I learned a few things

1. You should never have to apologize for loving what you do with your life and being you. We are each created by a masterful Maker.

2. Patience pays off. And so does holding onto something you believe in, because just maybe it may work out and the patience will pay off.

3. Love on people. Period. Pretty simple. Pour into someone. Cause some how it always seems to fill you up as well.

4. Sometimes I take life too seriously. Sometimes you just need to laugh at your self, act like a child and take a deep breath from real life.

5. Surround yourself with people who love you for you. Who speak life into you.

6. Never underestimate yourself.

7. Yes this world is full of crazy people and people who will continually disappoint. But the world is full of good people and good hearts. Even more encouraging, we have generations coming up that have amazing hearts.

8. We have choices to make every day. To swing by the Starbucks drive through or skip it today. Choose joy. Choose to rise above situations. Choose to fight the good fight.

9. Perspective is an amazing thing. Maintain it.

10. Be thankful and show gratitude every day.

11. We live in a beautiful country and world. It would be a pity not to explore it. GET OUT!

What a year it has been. And Christ continues to reveal himself in small ways, big things and crazy situations. When I am WEAK.....is when I find STRENGTH in HIM. My only true REST comes at the feet of CHRIST. I still swear there are times where God is just looking down on me and laughing.

I am lucky....despite the craziness of this world, crap situations and everything in between. I am blessed. And 2010 has been a constant reminder of that.

I am humbled by how blessed I am.

So 2010.....here is to you! Here is to the journey, as beautiful and ridiculous as it was.

2011.....I can't promise that I will remember to write the correct date on my documents for at least 5 months. But....I am ready for you. I am anxious, nervous, excited and thrilled for the new chapter that 2011 promises to bring.

So long 2010........2011....I have high hopes for you!

:: in the meadow we can build a snow man::

Tis' the season. Christmas lights are up, Christmas music is showing up on the radio and my personal favorite, the HALLMARK CHANNEL!!! Yep...that's right. The hallmark channel airs Christmas movies back to back all month long. Sure, the acting is pretty horrible, and the story lines are predictable. But with the corny and cheesy plots comes a little glimmer of holiday hope. One problem here in Denver though, is that it doesn't look or feel like Christmas. It has been in the 60's and there is not a single flake of snow in sight.

This year, I have been more in the Christmas spirit than ever. So much so, that I put a Christmas countdown paper chain up in my athletic training room. I have come to the conclusion that there are two specific reasons why I am full of Christmas cheer this year.

1. I miss my family. And when I say family, I mean my immediate family and friends in Durango. The random people that I run into on Main street or in Durango Joe's. Also, due to the craziness of my job, I haven't been able to spend quality time with my family in far too long. I am counting down the days until I can wake up in the morning and share a cup of coffee with my Dad and watch it snow.

2. Even more reason to celebrate....I have survived the first semester, managing all the student athletes on my own. Against all odds and when people thought I wouldn't be able to do it....I HAVE. I survived. Even when people had set me up for failure, doubted my abilities and made me feel second rate, I have taken on the challenge and owned it.

So take that!!!!

So Merry Christmas and Happy Holiday's everyone!!! I hope that you all find reasons to celebrate.

A fetus in Mary, a force in you. He will do what you cannot do. Wasn’t this the promise of Jesus?

The same hand that pushed the rock from the tomb can shove away your discouragement. The same power that stirred the still heart of Christ, can stir your flagging faith. The same strength that put Satan on his heels can, and will, defeat Satan in your life. The same power which brought Christ into Mary’s world, will bring Christ into your world.

thoughts from a surgery waiting room

Well....not exactly how I planned to spend my night. Started out as a typical day in my training room. Coffee brewing, the guys turning ESPN on and I try to patch my athletes. But little did I know that the end of my evening, or should I say the beginning, would bring me here.

The surgery waiting room is empty. I am sitting here by myself......typing away, the TV on, phone in hand and waiting for someone to update me. All the lights are off, except in the room. There is a Christmas tree on the second floor that is breaking up the erie darkness.

I can't help but think how many families have sat in my same seat, waiting to hear news of their loved ones. Waiting for doctors to burst out that door and share the good news. Or how many families who sat here, hearing the worst possible news they could have ever imagined.

Its is erie in here. Kind of creeps me out, but hospitals do that in general.

Kind of puts things in perspective. Funny that the first time I have really had to sit by myself is here, in a surgery waiting room. A worried mom calling me on her way and of course, there is some sort of toxic spill on I-25 that is adding a painful 20 mins to her drive.

And as I always say, I am reminded how blessed I really am. How lucky I am to be in this place at this time. I am reminded daily that I am here for a reason. To be the person that holds the hand of a scared athlete being pushed off to unexpected surgery. Or to be the sounding board for another. Despite the frustrations and stress, lack of sleep and everything in between, I am lucky. I get to witness amazing things every day and witness the mysteries of this world and of this human race, bones, muscles, internal organs and each single cell.

"Behind them are three boys kicking a soccer ball on the beach. With effortless skill they coordinate countless muscles and reflexes, engage and disengage perfectly designed joints … all to do one task—move a ball in the sand.

Miracles. Divine miracles.

These are miracles because they are mysteries. Scientifically explainable? Yes. Reproducible? To a degree.

But still they are mysteries. Events that stretch beyond our understanding and find their origins in another realm. They are every bit as divine as divided seas, walking cripples, and empty tombs.

And they are as much a reminder of God’s presence as were the walking lame, fleeing demons, and silenced storms. They are miracles. They are signs. They are testimonies. They are instantaneous incarnations. They remind us of the same truth: The unseen is now visible. The distant has drawn near. His Majesty has come to be seen. And he is in the most common of earth’s corners." Max Lucado

Autumn: the year's last, and loveliest smile.

I read somewhere that Autumn is the "perfect pause". The time of year that makes us stop and think about change, cause that is what the trees around us are doing in a visible and tangible way. The days grow shorter and the air has a bit of a bite to it. The time of year, if you are me, that you break out the scarves and the boots.

I was way too busy that last couple week to really enjoy fall here in the city! And that is just a shame. After a crazy week of work I finally stole away an afternoon and got some much needed fresh air. I discovered a little piece of fall paradise just a mere 15 mins away from my home. After sitting up on top of a mountain for a little while, I discovered the main street in Golden, CO. If I have ever experienced a perfect fall day....it was this day. Cup of Chai in hand, I walked along Clear Creek for a while. Admiring the fall colors and finally getting some air. A deep breath of brisk fall air to bring my feet back down to earth. Walking through the park, I had to kick the leaves and step on the crunchy ones. It was my "perfect pause".

This one afternoon made me realize that I don't "pause" nearly enough. It doesn't mean taking an entire afternoon to escape. But more taking 5 mins, an hour or an evening to breathe.

²⁸ Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.

Matthew 11:28

if only life had a remote control....

There is that one movie, Click, with Adam Sandler that just so happened to be playing on some TV network that plays movies over and over again. Not his finest performance. I didn't want to watch it, but for at least five minutes my eyes were glued to that movie with one simple thought....what if life had a remote control?

What a brilliant concept. A device that would allow us to have a little bit of control over our lives. Something that would let us press the stop button so we could catch our breath or fast forward through a big exam, tough conversation or just one of those days that you just want to forget. A device that would let us rewind a conversation we just had so we could say all the things we wanted to say but didn't get out. We could press the mute button, and just watch the person's mouth move, but not hear a dang thing. The volume can be turned up on those moments we wish would last forever, and the words we never want to hear and conversations we don't want to be a part of, the volume could be conveniently turned down.

If only this....If only that.

It would be great wouldn't it.

I would have used the pause button about two weeks ago, standing on Manhattan beach at sunset, in the ocean, almost up to my knees. I can remember the smell, the colors and the movement of the water. But I can't remember any sound, all I could hear was the waves. It was the first time in a VERY long time that I felt like I could breathe. I felt like the ground underneath my feet stopped moving. The only movement was when the ocean washed the sand out from underneath my feet. I watched the sun fall into the horizon of an ocean that went on for eternity. I would pause that moment. I would live in that moment forever if I could.

I would fast forward to Tuesday, when I get to go home for 24 hours with my team. To the moment where my Dad hugs me. And in that moment reminds me who I am and where I am from. Reminds me that I am my father's daughter, a fighter and a person that dusts myself off and pushes on. And in that simple act, my dad brings me back down to earth again.

I would turn up the volume in the moments where Christ seems to whisper, cause I probably am not listening.

I would mute the people who speak negatively and turn up the volume on people who speak life and hope into others.

I would rewind to the moments where I didn't thank people or tell them what they meant to me.

I would record the moments that I want to remember for a very long time.

Unfortunately we don't have the luxury of a remote control that is able to control the pace, speed or volume of our life. Or maybe we do.

May you press the stop button and take a moment to take in God's creation.

May you pause during the moments where you feel like yourself again.

Turn up the volume on the people in your life who speak life and hope into you.

Mute the people who speak negativity.

Find a moment, daily, weekly or monthly where you can press the pause button and just be. The moment where you can be still and know who your Creator is, WHO you are and WHOSE your are.

YoU aRe ToDAy.

It is an off day. Who am I kidding.......its been an off week. I get up and go to a job that I adore daily, but every hour of that day there are question marks floating in my head. There are so many unknowns right now that it just continues to add weight to my shoulders. It continues to dull my life a little bit more with each question that goes unanswered. And myself, like any other human I imagine, is like the human version of a Jenga game. You know the one.....the game where you try and slip blocks out of the tower, hoping that it won't fall. But every time you remove a block, you hold your breath and watch as the tower wobbles. Eventually, you pull the one block that brings the tower down. Tiny blocks are being removed from me. It think this is called life. Every situation or unfortunate circumstance removes one more block and makes us a bit more unstable. I hold my breath, hoping that this won't be the block that causes me to finally tumble to the ground, forming a pile of blocks. I know I can't complain, I have a job that I love. I am have multiple degrees, a roof over my head, a car that usually runs well and people who continually bless my life. But I was at that place where I let everything else pull me down. I am human...and I am allowed to have days/weeks like this. That is the funny thing about life. Cause we get in those funks. We have those days. And then something comes along to snap me out of it. Too, we live timidly between those going before us and those coming up and after us. Squeezed by the past and worried of the future, we shrink away. We hide. The fear of having no place in this week, no place in this story, cripples us from living our own story in this week of our lives. I imagine God gently births each day, welcomes her and calls her by name. I imagine that at the right moment God sends each day into the world with the same words of advice and blessing. I imagine God says to each new day, "You are today. This is your day. Be today and be only today. Do not be yesterday, she is gone. Do not be tomorrow, she is not yet born. Be no day but today. Be your own day only and be the best day you can be." And when today is fearless and free to be herself, her own self, her best self, we pronounce the day, "Beautiful!" So with me, so with you - let us each live daily as our own and best selves. Then at dawn God will surely bless us each, "Beautiful!" My fears and frustrations are nothing compared to the maker of my today. To the creator of me. I forget that too often. I forget that I have the freedom to live my today as fearless. And that it is beautiful. May you be today, and only today.

so true....

Just happened to stumble upon this amazing blog entry by some random guy!

He explained why people have such a need for drama in their life.

He said, “People have been hearing fantastic stories since time began. The problem is, they think life is supposed to be like the stories. Let's look at a few examples.”

He drew an empty grid on the board, like this:

Time moves from left to right. Happiness from bottom to top.

He said, “Let's look at a very common story arc. The story of Cinderella.”

It starts with her awful life with evil stepsisters, scrubbing the fireplace. Then she get an invitation to the ball! Things look up. Then the fairy godmother makes her a dress and a coach. Even better! Then she goes to the ball, and dances with the prince! This is great! But then it's midnight. She has to go. Oh no. Sadness. Back to her humdrum life scrubbing the fireplace. But it's not as bad as before, because she's had this encouraging experience. Then, the prince finds her, and the happiness factor is off the chart! Happily ever after.

“People LOVE that story! This story arc has been written a thousand times in a thousand tales. And because of it, people think their lives are supposed to be like this.”

He wiped the board clean and said, “Now let's look at another popular story arc: the disaster.”

It's an ordinary day in an ordinary town. But something horrible happens! A child falls down a well! The whole town gathers to save her. Old grudges surface, but are belittled in the light of this tragedy. Rifts are bonded as people work together. The child is saved, and all is well. But notice it's a little better than it was before, now that this incident has brought them all closer together.

“People LOVE that story! This story arc has been written a thousand times in a thousand tales. And because of it, people think their lives are supposed to be like this.”

But the problem is, life is really like this...

Our lives drifts along with normal things happening. Some ups, some downs, but nothing to go down in history about. Nothing so fantastic or terrible that it'll be told for a thousand years.

“But because we grew up surrounded by big dramatic story arcs in books and movies, we think our lives are supposed to be filled with huge ups and downs! So people pretend there is drama where there is none.”

That's why people invent fights. That's why we're drawn to sports. That's why we act like everything that happens to us is such a big deal.

We're trying to make our life into a fairy tale.

::away we go::

For the past month I have been living out of a suit case and jet setting all over the country. For the first time in four weeks, I slept in my own bed, drove my own car and am finally catching my breath. I am not quite sure what time zone I am in or what day it is. Needless to say that past four weeks have been a blur. The past four weeks have been a fabulous experience; I have met great people and seen some new country.

Denver --> Charlotte --> Final Destination: Slippery Rock, PA!

My first week on the road started in Slippery Rock, PA. I have never been to PA before, but was pleasantly surprised by how pretty the state was. Very green and surrounded by hills. Slippery Rock itself was a small town, full of grocery stores that I have never heard of. Opening day of the session started on an incredibly hot and humid day and I turned into the awkward sweaty person, because I am simply not used to it. Thank goodness that PA thought it was being funny by starting my week with one hot, humid day and the rest of the week was Colorado weather.

I had a fantastic staff and met some wonderful people.

And lucky me, we shared the campus that week with a cheer camp. Yep.....100 cheerleaders. I felt like I was in a cheerleading movie. They were all dressed the same, cheered every where they went and even had spirit sticks. I didn't realize that spirit sticks were actually a real thing in the cheerleading world. But it is!

This session also brought a piece of northwest Iowa with it. One of my coaches was an old classmate from Northwestern College. It was nice to share some meals with him and reminisce about the college days and where our lives had taken us.

I loved Pennsylvania and hope to return some day.

Slippery Rock, PA--> Five hour drive to Baltimore --> rush to make a flight to Atlanta

After a crazy rush to get to the airport and jump on a flight to Atlanta, I was relieved to land. We landed in Atlanta late at night, and within in one hour of being in Atlanta broke a handle on my luggage, broke the strap on my bag and managed to get lost trying to find the Emory University. This should have been my first indication that this week was going to be a struggle. I had a couple of days off before the session started, so I figured I should explore Atlanta a bit. Let me rephrase that....get lost in Atlanta and find random places. I ended up exploring the Martin Luther King Jr. memorial site and the Atlanta Botanical Gardens. I also took a wrong turn getting back to the dorm and ended up driving into a gated area with a sign saying "Primate research facility". Later found out that it was a guarded research facility where they do research on primates who have Alzheimers. This facility is heavily guarded with men and guns. This quickly cured my curiosity to go back and try see the monkeys! Monkey's who probably need to be reminded that they are monkeys.

My week in Atlanta started with very hot and humid weather, with a director that was violently ill and being wheeled off the airplane in a wheelchair cause he was so sick. The rest of the week followed suit. Parents are frustrating. Trying to do everything by myself is exhausting. People who offer little encouragement during the week were my God send. It amazes me how every parent of an athlete thinks that their child is the next big thing, and they are going to be winning division 1 scholarships, even as their child is in the hospital due to an injury. Really mom and dad?!?!

I closed up the Atlanta session, jumped on a flight to Texas only to open up a session the very next day.

Jumped on a flight from Atlanta to Charlotte--> slight delay in flight means a quick jog to the next flight--> Land in Dallas/Fort Worth

I landed in DFW exhausted. I had to be ready to open the next session at 9 am the next morning. I moved into a dorm room and there was a massive bug on the floor. After murdering the dang thing with my shoe, I called my dad to let him know I had made it. The funny thing about Dad's is that they always know how you are REALLY feeling. So I proceeded to cry on the phone to my dad, since I had such a rough week prior and was down right exhausted. That night met the fabulous staff I would be working with, tried to navigate my way around Denton, TX and managed to get myself lost, even with a person in the car with a GPS. Yep...talk about a great first impression! Had to make a "not so quick" quick trip to Wal Mart where I met a lovely 1o year old girl who felt to need to share every family secret she had. Yep...it was pretty hilarious. I found my PGC groove in Texas. I finally felt like I was in a rhythm of the week. What a relief after coming off a terrible week. I was sad to leave Texas and the wonderful people and coach's there. I had the chance to reunite with some PGC friends before heading off to Connecticut.

Waiting in the Dallas Love airport for 8 hours --> Being relieved to be flying Southwest-->o Fly from Dallas to Birmingham --> Birmingham to Nashville --> Nashville to Hartford, CT.

Upon landing in CT, I soon found out that my rental car would have to wait until the next day. So I ended up with a 30 min (supposed to be 20 min) taxi ride with a creepy driver. At one point, this driver rolled up the windows and locked me in the cab and stated "don't worry about it." Dear taxi cab driver.....you just locked me in the car and took away my next best option of escaping if you turn out to be a crazy murder....I AM GOING TO WORRY A LITTLE BIT!

Finally making it to Univ. of Hartford, I got into my dorms. Straight up creepy! The next morning I went to pick up my rental car and took a little side trip to New London, CT, which is on the coast. It was the first time that I have every seen the Atlantic ocean, so I had to go. I was later informed that it isn't really the ocean, but a sound. Which clearly, I didn't care. I am from CO, a land locked state. Its all the same to me. I found the beach and felt like I had landed in an episode of the Jersey Shore. I put my feet in the water for a few minutes, took the pictures, walked on the beach and then it was off to start picking my staff up from the airport.

The session went great, and it amazed me how different people were on the east coast. I was reminded this week how grateful I am for good people. And how a simple show of grattitude can change everything.

The CT session came to a close, and I was heading home for a week break.

Hartford flight delayed 2 hours, while sitting on the runway watching "The Last Song" --> Land in Chicago to find our connecting flight delayed for 2 hours--> Massive rain storm hits and closes the airport--> every single hotel by the airport is booked--> Find a taxi to an airport 20 mins away, while driving through flooded roads --> Finally end up in a hotel

As you can see we had a few complications getting back to Colorado. A massive rain storm hit Chicago and flooded many of the main roads, shutting down the airport as well. We couldn't get out until the later the next night. We were lucky enough to catch an earlier flight. I have never been so happy to walk out the doors of DIA to my CO mountain. My CO air that doesn't have a hint of humidity to it.

So here I am...beyond jet lagged...reflecting on my past four weeks. I have seen beautiful country and met some wonderful people. I feel very blessed to have been given the opportunity to travel for the summer.

I found a quote that says, "true adventure and discovery comes from seeing new places with new eyes." I think I want to change that, cause true adventure and discovery comes from seeing new and familiar places with new eyes.

I feel like I have gotten new eyes. I see myself and situations through a new set of eyes that changes my perspective. I have been blessed by the people that have come in and out of my life for the last four weeks, and my new eyes are allowing me to see the small, seemingly insignificant, contributions they have made and how they are NOT insignificant or small at all. My new eyes allowing me to see myself not only as I am, but what I am stretching into being.

Seeing that my failures are only failures if I allow them to change me. But learning that if I am going to fail, to fail fast, to fail often and to fail forward (meaning that I must use my failures as a catalyst for growth).

Needless to say, its been quite a four weeks. I am exhausted and energized all at the same time. I am ready to meet my world with my new eyes head on, but am anxious too.

So that is where I have been....and where I am going.

Away we go....away I go!

"I am more and more convinced that our happiness or unhappiness depends more on the way we meet the events of life than on the nature of those events themselves.

Alexander Humboldt

life after school

I have been doing this school thing for almost 20 years now. Now that I have completed my master's degree, my school years have come to an end.....for now anyways. The graduation cards that I received no longer say "good luck on your next step" or "congratulations on graduating". They now say...."have a happy life" or "good luck with life".

I had the chance to watch some of my babies graduate this past weekend. I have known these lovely people since they were just little things, and now they are graduating from high school and going off to college all over the country. I am so proud of these amazing people and excited for what their futures hold.

The entire time, I forget that I had graduated and am also embarking on new adventures. I am still adjusting to the idea that my "school days" are done for now.

I have been blessed by so many wise and wonderful people in my life, who offer me tid-bits of wisdom that change everything.

So I want to share a few things that have made me smile, changed my perspective and re-fueled my soul.

- (in reference to careers and jobs)-- when you think you are at your breaking point, stay longer. If you feel the need to leave, then leave when the time is right, not when you feel wilted and burnt out.

- "Most important of all is to see whatever you do as being holy, sacred work. As believers in Jesus, Christians ought to have a profound sense of why work matters. Scripture says humans have the job description of cultivating and caring for the world around us—creation, culture and community (Genesis 1:28). We get the chance to participate in God’s effort to make all things new (Revelation 21). God can do all of this without us, of course, but work matters to God because He wants our efforts to bring Him honor."

- God doesn't need us to do HIS work. His works will be done with or without us. But he sure does WANT us. And in a society where feeling "unwanted" is almost an epidemic, this is HUGE!

- iPod's on shuffle for hours as I drive back to the city....makes me happy.

- The fact that it is like a one woman Glee episode in my car as i jam to the music.

- The man in Pagosa that was missing the right half of his beard, and the left half of his mustache. Okay...i know that I am educated and what not, but how in the world did this happen?? I don't really get it.

- A company is now creating a social network site for kids as young as first graders.

Ummmm....what in the world do 1st graders need a social network for? That is what recess is for. Hey first graders.....why don't you get outside, play in the dirt, get in trouble!

- In a world of really creepy gas station attendants.....I was very relieved to walk into a gas station and two nice old men greeted me. Not creepy at all!

- I hate being a girl when it comes to packing. I alway over pack. And justify bringing numerous pairs of shoes.

- "Miracles are a retelling in small letters of the very same story which is written across the whole world in letters too large for some of us to see." - C.S. Lewis

-We must not allow the clock and the calendar to blind us to the fact that each moment of life is a miracle and mystery.

H. G. Wells

Have a laugh with your coffee this morning!

Randomly found this list of 50 things we have learned from movies, and I thought it was to dang funny to not share. Some very valid advice here. Especially #43.

1. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick’s Day parade – at any time of the year.

2. All beds have special L-shaped top sheets that reach up to armpit level on a woman but only waist level on the man lying beside her.

3. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.

4. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off – even while scuba diving.

5. The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty.

6. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.

7. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.

8. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

9. When paying for a taxi, never look at your wallet as you take out a note – just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.

10. If you lose a hand, it will cause the stump of your arm to grow by 15cm.

11. Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning, even though the husband and children never have time to eat them.

12. Cars and trucks that crash will almost always burst into flames.

13. A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of a football stadium.

14. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.

15. All single women have a cat.

16. Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.

17. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at one.

18. Creepy music coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.

19. Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper cuttings – especially if any of their family or friends has died in a strange boating accident.

20. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involved martial arts – your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessor.

21. During a very emotional confrontation, instead of facing the person you are speaking to, it is customary to stand behind them and talk to their back.

22. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your room will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.

23. Dogs always know who’s bad and will naturally bark at them.

24. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

25. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch-enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gases, lasers and man eating sharks that will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.

26. Having a job of any kind will make all fathers forget their son’s eighth birthday.

27. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they’re going to go off.

28. It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.

29. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

30. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.

31. If you decide to hack into the CIA database, all you need is a laptop and an internt connection. it will usually take about 10 seconds to get into the system and you will usually be undetected.

32. No matter how dirty the water is, it is still possible for you to jump in and open your eyes underwater. You’ll be able to see everything clearly and your eyes wont hurt.

33. In every bar you go into, the bartender will always know how to make any and every long named drink of your choice.

34. When walking in a quiet and dark area, its only fair to ask if someone is there.

35. It’s always possible to outrun a explosion/fireball by running straight towards the camera, sometimes in slow motion.

36. The prologue and/or epilogue, when applicable, is always narrated by a soothing calm monotone voiced individual, preferably Morgan Freeman.

37. Never be afraid to jump off of a building into an open dumpster, as the contents will most likely always be clean, fluffy garbage bags.

38. Most police officers HATE partners. If they do have a partner that they trust and like, he/she will die.

39. The last bad guy in a shootout is too tough to die fast like everyone else. He must pretend to give up or be dead, and suddenly try to shoot one of the good guys. Then and only then can he die quickly.

40. Cars can screech tires and burn rubber even if they’re on gravel or sand.

41. Everybody’s phone number starts with 555.

42. Monsters always make noise before attacking.

43. If you have face stubble….you have a dark mysterious past.

44. Ancient Romans had English accents.

45. Nobody has morning breath in the movies…the first thing a couple does is kiss each other when they wake up.

46. All helocopter crashes occur on the other side of the mountain.

47. Computers in sci-fi films have either male or female voices that speak in a calm, reassuring tone even in the most extreme situations.

48. In high speed chases, no car ever runs out of gas.

49. Funerals usually happen when it rains. The hardest, bravest, coolest person is usually the one without an umbrella or hat and usually stands alone either to the side or behind everyone.

50. If your female who has never been on a date or even been hit on, don’t worry. All it takes is some contacts, new hair styles, and new clothes to make you the baddest bitch in the town.