just another manic monday

If you haven't noticed I like lists. For some reason, they give me some illusion of being organized. When you look at a list, your week seems a little less daunting. There are small tasks that can be crossed off.

This monday morning, I am sitting in my place. I woke up a little early. Got ready and am now enjoying some down time, listening to music and enjoying a fresh brewed cup of coffee. This is my list for the week. My thoughts, frustrations and things that make me smile.

1. I love the feeling of accomplishing a task that seemed so HUGE that it overwhelms me.

Example: My practicum, which is like a thesis for my masters program. I kicked Chapter 1 & 2 's butts and just submitted chapter three. The hard part is over. Now I just get to edit and make the content better. But there is just something about submitting a paper that is 53 pages long (and that is just chapter 3). I am finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

2. Shoes. I love shoes....and I have plenty of them. Shoes just add a little POW! to the outfit.

3. Bi-polar colorado weather kind of drives me crazy. 76 degrees on Wednesday last week, 65 on Thursday and 10 inches of snow on Friday. But guess what....back to 60 degrees yesterday. And in true Colorado fashion, there is a forecast for snow on Wednesday this week. As much as the crazy weather bothers me, it also makes me appreciate the beautiful days.

4. Drinking a cup of coffee with two hands. Kind of like a little kid with a cup that is too big for their hands.

5. When people like their own status on FaceBook. Clearly you like it, cause you wrote it. But thanks for reminding us. :)

6. Stress is part of life. People let us down and life frustrates us. But I refuse to waste my days on things that I can not control. A life spent stressed, is a life wasted. I am done wasting my days on the things, circumstances and situations that I can not control.

7. People complaining about politics and the current administration. Especially Christians. The administration isn't perfect and our President isn't perfect. Don't you think that God is in control? That God is working in our world and has anointed this administration for this time and for a purpose. Yes, you may not agree, and that is fine. People are entitled their opinions. Think about this....by complaining about government and the state of our world, aren't you also saying that OUR GOD isn't big enough to handle it?

8. Toothpaste makes me laugh.....My toothpaste has a bold warning on it: "For best results, squeeze from bottom." What's the worst that's going to happen here if I don't? Will my dog die? Will i lose my job?

9. Advertisements on energy drinks. Dear AMP energy drink, even though you say that your drink can help me focus day and night to solve all my life's problems. Really energy drink?? Prove it!

10 Accidently over-sharing with the baristas at Starbuck's. I know you don't care that I have to drive two hours on a Sunday to cover a home baseball game. But thanks for listening and thanks for my fabulous venti non-fat caramel macchioto with an extra shot...and stirred!

11. " Several years ago, my three year old nephew and I were standing in the front of a large window, watching it rain. He started saying:

"STARS, STARS, STARS"

I turned to my sister-in-law and asked, Why does he keep repeating stars, stars, stars? She answered, He thinks that when raindrops hit the ground, for a split second they look like stars."

-- MAY YOU SEE DROPS LIKE STARS.

~ Rob Bell

12.^16-19 But me he caught—reached all the way

from sky to sea; he pulled me out
Of that ocean of hate, that enemy chaos,
the void in which I was drowning.
They hit me when I was down,
but God stuck by me.
He stood me up on a wide-open field;
I stood there saved—surprised to be loved!

^20-24 God made my life complete
when I placed all the pieces before him.
When I got my act together,
he gave me a fresh start.
Now I'm alert to God's ways;
I don't take God for granted.
Every day I review the ways he works;
I try not to miss a trick.
I feel put back together,
and I'm watching my step.
God rewrote the text of my life
when I opened the book of my heart to his eyes.

Psalms 18: 16-24 (The Message)

words to help me change my attitude......

"To be human is to live with loose ends, with people and in a world of loose ends, feeling you have been made for perfection but knowing you can't get there on your own. Knowing that you've been placed here to bring a taste of something beautiful and blessed."

"I believe in myself slowly, it takes all the doubt I have, It takes my wonder"

"Forty people on a bus who never look up to see the only thing they need to be told. Its about acknowledging that sometimes you cannot change your situation, yet choosing to look up anyway and stare hope straight in the eye. "

i have a choice and i choose......

I realize that the previous post was written out of frustration. Reaction from emotion and frustration is never the ideal way. For me personally, when I get frustrated, I also become honest. That honesty is brutal at times.

I also realize that I have a choice to make. I can choose to change my attitude about things. Or I can choose to stay frustrated and bitter. As with many other situations in this life, we always have a choice. There are so many situations that are out of my control. But the thing I can control is my reaction.

I choose to fight. I choose to recognize that I am not in this for the politics and drama, but to do what I love, to do what I am good at and to do all those things to the best of my abilities for the people that deserve my best.

I choose to look out for my self, but never to sacrifice my heart for servant hood. I choose to see this as a challenge, and to take this challenge by the horns and kick the living hell out of it. That is my choice.

In a different area, I also choose to dwell on it. I am making the choice to remember this feeling. I am making the choice to remember it and make sure that I don't let myself feel like this again. And somewhere in there, I am also making the choice to start believing that I deserve better. But for now, I am going to dwell. I am going to be pissed and frustrated. I choose to feel like this. This choice is temporary. I will pick myself up and dust myself off and move on. The walls around my heart may get a little higher, but I downright refuse to let it change how I try and see the good in everyone.

Someone very smart told me.......people may suck, but our God is big. I am choosing to cling to that. I am choosing to TRY not rely on my own understanding. Because obviously, my own understanding doesn't quite get this screwed up world.

I have also been told that God wouldn't like seeing me frustrated like this. That it is displeasing to him to see my attitude. I beg to differ. I like to believe that my God is right next to me lying on the ground when I have been hit by the 2x4 of reality and how people suck. Laying next to me, simply saying...."i know....i know".

That is the God I CHOOSE to love and honor and serve.

:: People Suck::

I am over people. I am over selfish people. I am over disrespectful people. I am over people who lie. I am over people who say one thing and do the other.

There is a decreasing number of people in our world who are genuinely honest and kind. As much as this pains me to say, since it is my nature to always believe the best about people until they prove me wrong. Some have proved me wrong numerous times, and I still decide to believe that they really are the person that I have in my head.

This world has become a place where people are concerned about one thing; themselves and money. But let's be honest, if you aren't looking out for number one, then you are going to be taken advantage of. If you are a hard worker, than your commitment will be taken advantage of. If you are a person who is passionate about their line of work, then you are automatically labeled a work-aholic.

And we have all heard the good ole' saying....nice guys finish last.....well I have two thoughts.

Unfortunately this is true. Regardless of where you go or your situation in your life, the nice people are almost always beat out by the people who are only concerned with themselves, and are willing to step on people to reach their goal.

Thought 2.....maybe this saying needs to be changed to...nice girls always finish last. What about us normal girls who are confident, normal, legit and have so much to offer? What about the girls who have some substance. Who have opinions and goals and dreams. Instead, we are passed by for the girl that simply wants to be part of a relationship. We are forever those girls who are "great friends!"

I like to think that I am a nice girl. I like to think that everything I have gotten out of this life, I have earned. My life has never been my own. I have never been the person that looks out for me. My heart is to serve. I sacrifice my agenda for the sake of others. I like to hope that people are truly good. I am coming to find out, that it isn't enough.

Is there a difference between being selfish and being an advocate for yourself?

I am that person described above to a fault. And trying to survive in a society and in several situations where politics rule, qualifications mean crap and a person's soul is simply seen as a weakness is exhausting. It sucks the life out of me. It makes me doubt the things I want. It causes me to question if fighting for something is worth it.

::: it is the little things :::

Far too often we wait for the huge, outrageous moments of our live to take notice of how extraordinary our lives really are. We have set scenarios in our minds....if this happens, at this time with this person and has this amount of impact on my life, then I will file it in my memorable moments with a huge impact on my life category.

Maybe we are missing the point. We are so busy looking for the bright, gleaming and flashy moments in our lives, that we miss the ordinary miracles. The little things that put small bright spots on our days. The moments that put a smile, even the smallest of smirks, on your face. It is those small things that keep us going. It is the little things that save us everyday from waiting on the scenarios we have build up in our minds.

my little things --

:: the white kid with old school head phones jamming out at the bus stop. Yep....full out singing/rapping with hand motions and body movement. Including the "rapper facial expression"......you all know what I mean!

:: Dear Starbucks... I am incredibly thankful for your decision to make pint size java chip frapuccinno ice cream. It is heaven in the form of ice cream. Love, Me.

:: My basketball guys quoting this commercial constantly..... yep, still funny every time they do it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=owGykVbfgUE

:: office chairs that spin.

:: random emails and facebook messages from people.

:: speaking like everything you say is a question.

:: someone telling you they miss you.

:: someone telling you that they have been thinking about you.

:: swedish fish!

:: random holidays....national pancake day.....frozen dead guy day....etc.

:: catching an awkward song playing on some one's iPod or blaring on their car stereo. even better if they are singing along.

::"Relationships used to have well defined milestones. First dates, first kisses, anniversaries, etc. Now the biggest turning points are status changes to 'in a relationship' and dual profile pics."

:: socially awkward people. Especially the ones that when asking me if I need ice or anything for my athletes after a game go on for five minutes about how her boyfriend is back in town and wanted to come see her, but his truck wouldn't start......... wait, when did we become bff's? What happened to the ice bags?

:: When people try to finish your sentence or thought.....and they are wrong.

just to list a few........

:-: wisdom from Marilyn Monroe....yep, you read that right....Marilyn Monroe:-:

Yep....Marilyn Monroe. For some reason there is something so personal for me about these quotes. Something resonates with me.

"I believe everything happens for a reason! People change so you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you can appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so that you will eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes, good things fall apart, so better things can fall together.""...If you can make a girl laugh - you can make her do anything..." -"I want to grow old without facelifts... I want to have the courage to be loyal to the face I've made. Sometimes I think it would be easier to avoid old age, to die young, but then you'd never complete your life, would you? You'd never wholly know you" -I am not interested in money. I just want to be wonderful.
"I've never dropped anyone I believed in.""Everybody is always tugging at you. They'd all like a sort of chunk out of you. I don' think they realize it, but it's like 'grrr do this, grr do that...' But you do want to stay intact and on two feet." "A career is wonderful, but you can't curl up with it on a cold night."dear marilyn.....you pretty much hit me right on the nose.....all my worries, frustrations and fears. love....me.