I also realize that I have a choice to make. I can choose to change my attitude about things. Or I can choose to stay frustrated and bitter. As with many other situations in this life, we always have a choice. There are so many situations that are out of my control. But the thing I can control is my reaction.
I choose to fight. I choose to recognize that I am not in this for the politics and drama, but to do what I love, to do what I am good at and to do all those things to the best of my abilities for the people that deserve my best.
I choose to look out for my self, but never to sacrifice my heart for servant hood. I choose to see this as a challenge, and to take this challenge by the horns and kick the living hell out of it. That is my choice.
In a different area, I also choose to dwell on it. I am making the choice to remember this feeling. I am making the choice to remember it and make sure that I don't let myself feel like this again. And somewhere in there, I am also making the choice to start believing that I deserve better. But for now, I am going to dwell. I am going to be pissed and frustrated. I choose to feel like this. This choice is temporary. I will pick myself up and dust myself off and move on. The walls around my heart may get a little higher, but I downright refuse to let it change how I try and see the good in everyone.
Someone very smart told me.......people may suck, but our God is big. I am choosing to cling to that. I am choosing to TRY not rely on my own understanding. Because obviously, my own understanding doesn't quite get this screwed up world.
I have also been told that God wouldn't like seeing me frustrated like this. That it is displeasing to him to see my attitude. I beg to differ. I like to believe that my God is right next to me lying on the ground when I have been hit by the 2x4 of reality and how people suck. Laying next to me, simply saying...."i know....i know".
That is the God I CHOOSE to love and honor and serve.
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