dear....you know who you are......

This thing called life is confusing to me sometimes. I don't understand why things happen, I don't understand why some things don't happen and sometimes I just stand there speechless.

I don't understand why Haiti experienced such a devastating disaster. I don't understand why there are so many things in my life that could fit into the unknown category. I don't understand why in a world of such beauty, there is so much pain. I don't understand why the young Maddie Milner, at age 14, died in a tragic ski accident, doing what she loved.

I don't get it. And all the things that I don't get weigh me down. It is almost a feeling of trying to keep your head above water, just trying to catch your breath. Wave after wave after wave knock you down. Rough waters keep pushing you further and further away from the shore. All you want, all I want, is a day. A day to just stop and be. To catch my breath and to find some stable ground. And for just one minute, to know all the answers. To have that moment of clarity where everything makes sense. When all the sacrifices, low moments and celebrations make perfect sense in the grand story of my life.

Maybe the beauty of this life is within the mystery. The beauty is in our mess. Because I know whose mess I am!

Maybe it is all about love. Learning to love people without an agenda and expecting nothing in return. Learning to accept love, and find freedom in that. Maybe it is to do what you love.

Maybe it is to wade through all the crap, dark moments and suffocating situations and cling to that one shred of hope. Because that one little handful of hope, turns into an arm load of hope, and so on. The darkness becomes a little more light. And that light grows brighter and stronger until you can't remember the source of the darkness.

I am learning that I really don't understand life at all. And I am not supposed to. I can't see the big picture of my life. I don't know where I will be in a year, five years or 10 years. But I am learning, and learning slowly that I have to let that go too. I am learning that the daily struggles are just minor bumps in my journey. And that journey was never intended to be easy and smooth.

Dear you know who you are................

I am writing this to myself as well as I am writing it for you. We all are that person once in a while that can't seem to find stable ground. So maybe I am writing this to numerous people.

Live in today, loving people, being loved and doing what you love. Find the beauty in not knowing your entire story but knowing exactly who is writing it. Dig in for the journey. It isn't easy. But some day, we will have that moment of clarity where everything makes sense. And the ground beneath our feet will stop moving. And finally, for just a second, we can take a deep breath of air that will fill our lungs and revitalize our souls at the same time.

Hang on.

Dig in.

Hold tight to the God that adores you.

Find your handful of hope.